Your Men's Journey

I am one of those men that knows how to take care of other people very well. As a father of three children, a husband, and a coach, much of my world has me focusing on the needs of others. My father modeled this for me when I was growing up, and if I’m not careful, I can easily slip into my dad’s version of being a father, putting myself at the very end of the line. I’ve learned that if this pattern continues, my own resentment builds up and I am one grumpy dude.

Part of being a better father and husband requires that I also father the boy who lives inside of me. Put another way, being responsive to my needs and being there for myself is a pre-requisite for being there for others. Said another way: love yourself so you can love other people.

The model that most men experience growing up with a father or male figure in the house was that the man went to work, was gone all day, and came back at night for dinner. Often he was tired and cranky. Was this true for you? If “Dad” or another male figure wasn’t in the picture, either physically or emotionally, then chances were that Mom needed you to step up and fill the void and become the man of the house. This denies many young men their childhood. Whether your Dad was there or not, as a young boy you either saw a faulty model of what it means to be a man, or you were required to be a man before your time.

Regardless of your personal experience, these family-of-origin scenarios taught us to put ourselves last. As men, many of us carry this “me last” thinking with us into married life, our careers, our families, and our relationships. I have instituted four principles I attempt to abide by in finding and striking the right balance I face as a man, a father, a husband, a leader, and a businessman. I am happy to share them with you.

1. Physical exercise. Regular exercise creates energy — energy to handle all of the responsibilities required of a responsible man. This is non-negotiable.
2. Quality time with quality men. Getting and giving support from (and to) like-minded men on their path flies in the face of most men’s inclination to “go it alone.” This is another exercise that creates energy.
3. Having fun. If you don’t know what this means, then you’re way overdue! Remembering what you used to do for fun — and doing it — will recharge you in more ways than one. If you’re a father of young boys, you’ll also be able to show them what “fun” is so they don’t repeat the unhealthy pattern.
4. Asking for help. Just because we are the father, the man of the house, the leader of the company, or the owner of the business, it doesn’t mean we have to do everything ourselves. That’s an old model that doesn’t work any more. Asking for help is actually a demonstration in humility.